When Love Becomes Addictive

The word “addiction” refers to certain conditions or limitations that our environment imposes on us. In order to live, we depend on things like eating, drinking, sleeping, breathing, etc.

In this sense, we are talking about absolute needs without which no one would be able to cope. It makes perfect sense and helpful to recognize that you need and are dependent on certain things in order to live.

We also have relative needs that we don’t depend on because they are just preferences that make life a little better. Without them, we would still be able to live our lives normally.

For example, if I wanted to get a nail in a wall, it would be foolish to say that I definitely need a hammer because I could use some other tool like a heavy stone, for example. A hammer is a relative need, though better than a stone, because it is certainly more comfortable.

Once we understand this difference, it can be easily applied to psychology and love in particular. We mistakenly believe that we need love to be happy and survive,  but although research has been done on the subject, none of them have been able to prove that participants ’happiness, or lack thereof, depended on whether or not they had love in their lives.

If you think you need the love of your life and even more especially the love of someone special, you will become addicted to that person,  just as if your life could not follow its normal path if he were not with you. Addiction shackles you.

You need that person as you need water to drink and survive, even though that need is just invented by your mind.

How do you know if it’s love or addiction?

There are certain clues that can help you notice if you are falling into a mental addiction:

You let another treat you badly

You adored another person so much that  you think that in love, and especially with that person “everything is worth it” that it doesn’t matter if they sometimes treat you disrespectfully,  that they will change, etc. Deep down you know that that will never happen and that you suffer but are really afraid a lot of his opposition or leaving the relationship. You prefer to endure unbearable.

You get anxious when that person isn’t near you

Because you see him as necessary,  you are afraid that he is not constantly near you, as that would mean that you might lose him  or that you cannot control where he is and what he is doing. It’s the same as not finding drinking water and dying of thirst; you are just as anxious. The difference, however, is that water is a real need.

You feel like life wouldn’t matter without them

You are afraid of the idea of ​​the future without that person. You think that without him you could not be happy, you would not be able to enjoy anything, you would be alone forever, etc.  All these very unrealistic thoughts come from the belief that you need love to be able to function. However, addiction is not the answer.

You have ceased to be yourself after the relationship began

You no longer do things or make plans that were before your passion, and you even stopped meeting your friends as often. Nowadays, you prefer to do things that your partner likes and you’re even immersed in things that you never thought interested you. In short, you are not the same, genuine person you were before. Instead, you are attached to your partner and deep down, it makes you feel empty.

Some strategies to reduce your addiction

If you have identified yourself in any of the above points and want to leave the prison you have put yourself in,  you need to face your fear of being alone. You need to understand that the keys to ending this addiction are already in your pocket; you just have to use them!

• Change your hyperromantic thoughts. Romance is lovely and fun in normal portions, as long as you can control it. But if it gets out of hand, you may start to mistakenly think “without you I am not worth anything”, “without you I would die”, “your absence will bring me pain” etc. because of.
• You are not the property of your partner and he is not your property. While we say things like “my boyfriend,” “my partner,” “my husband,” that “mine” is just a means of communication. In reality, that person is free, he doesn’t belong to you. He has come into your life because he wanted to and he can leave whenever he wants, like it or not. Therefore, you should start to detach yourself and realize that even though he is your partner right now and you share your life in a certain way, one day he may be like anyone in the world and you will survive without him.

• Check your beliefs. Why do you need that person’s love? What are you doing with that love? Why do you want it? Does it give you satisfaction and happiness or does it go even further? Where is it said that you need a partner to be happy?
• Change your behavior. Once you have worked out those unrealistic thoughts and beliefs, it is necessary to put them into practice as well. Stop checking and verifying where your partner is and stop giving him or her unnecessary explanations.

Enjoy his company but also your own company,  both with other people and alone. Do what you like and not what you should do because you have a partner. If your partner accepts your change, great. If not, get out! That person is not worthy of you and you don’t need him. You don’t have to be dependent on another person to be happy.