This Is The Root Cause Of Disputes And Disputes

The other person never listens. The other starts screaming. Both blame each other, without providing any justification. The root cause of debates and disputes is always the same, especially when it leads to an insignificant conflict full of contempt and pride. We are now, of course, talking about a lack of empathy.

Let’s think about the last time we were involved in a heated debate. Most often, when we start debates or disputes based on disagreement, attack, or criticism, we seek to prove our own truth. We want the other person to see our perspective and we want to show him or her wrong.

In addition, we often encounter defensive behavior. Our defenses open up, and we strive to protect ourselves and attack. This can often be seen in romantic relationships, in those arguments where one or both parties begin to blame each other, and hide behind a “victim” attitude.

We could resolve these disputes much more quickly if we exercised empathy more skillfully. If we simply try to take into account and understand the other person’s reality, it could humanize disputes and make them more useful. But we always make the same mistake. Emotions entice us and they blur our judgment, close our senses, and create distance.

The root cause of debates and disputes: a lack of empathy and understanding

We all want to be understood. But the moment someone questions us, or when someone criticizes or argues against our “truths,” we see it as a threat. A little later we get angry. It won’t be long before we start arguing.

If we take a look at the less scientific but general literature on conflicts, we find that the classic title is  How to Win a Debate. We approach disagreements and debates as if they were battlefields. We think there must always be a winner and a loser in these. It is time to correct this approach.

The most common origins of controversy and debate are not that the world is full of narcissists. You can’t make sense with people like that, and they’re always ready to argue. While narcissists do exist, we are not all like that. The root cause of our disagreement is a lack of understanding by others and a lack of proper, practical, and useful empathy.

It is really possible to think that this is limited to disputes and good intentions. This may be the case, as there are often struggles in life that originate from unfairness or real insult. But even in these situations, it’s better to put ourselves in another person’s boots to realize that it might not be worth fighting for. It may just be a waste of time.

Empathy is the best start in any situation. First, it would be best to see, know, and figure out the other person, and then just act.

How to be more understanding

We already know that the root causes of debates and disputes are a lack of empathy. How can we exercise our empathy to save ourselves from unpleasant situations and thus reach a consensus? We can try these strategies:

• When we disagree with someone, we have to ask ourselves why we feel that way. We need to dig deeper into why that remark bothers us. Is this an unfair attack on us, or is there any end to that criticism, but we refuse to accept it?
• Then as we define our own reality and the reason why we are bothered, it is time to do the same with the other person. We must make an effort to get under his skin to feel, understand, and realize. Is this an insecure person who attacked us for this reason? Is this person angry about something we’ve done in the past, and that’s why he carries resentment? Did he say something about the fear that he would lose us, or because he wants us to “wake up”?

• The third step is a compromise. Instead of letting our emotions catch us, we need to control them. Let us direct our compromises to understanding and not blame or talk about past disputes. We must also avoid actions or words that can make things worse.

We need to be able to calm ourselves down. We also need to learn to show the other person that we are empathetic and want to reach a consensus.

Of course, this is not easy. This takes time and hard “internal” work, but it makes us enjoy our relationship more.