Setting Boundaries: A True Skill Of Self-confidence

Self-confidence is a fundamental skill when it comes to certain situations where people take more freedoms than they should. We all have to face indifference to human rights and even a lack of respect. Setting boundaries in a tight and calm way is the key to not letting anyone walk over you. It’s the key to getting people’s respect without you being disrespectful to them.

One of the benefits of imposing a restriction is that by doing so, we are also aware of the rights of others. We are aware of our limitations in relation to other people. This means that you are confident, following this basic rule, and you will also become a more respectful person yourself.

Decide where your boundaries are

What do you think is going too far? What are you willing to tolerate from others, depending on what kind of relationship you have with them? Determine what these limitations are, for yourself and others. Where they go depends on a variety of factors. These include your personality, but also your values, beliefs, and expectations of life.

It’s likely that some people might be nervous about your choices, but that’s not your problem. This may increase your difficulty as you “try to adjust to the crowd”. But if the price of it is to deceive yourself, you need to ask yourself if it makes any sense to walk this path at all.

The good news is that over time, you will be able to maintain these boundaries in a calm way, by saying things the right way, people will get used to it and even understand the red lines you have created.

Therefore, don’t forget that the more you bend your red borders, the harder it is to restore a lost territory. And the more you make yourself vulnerable to conflict. Therefore, if you want respect, you need to start appreciating yourself. Forgive me, but don’t make yourself stupid. Once, at most twice, is enough.

Give room for maneuver, be flexible

Despite the importance of creating clear boundaries, you need to leave little room for maneuver. You have to be flexible. Not everyone will always agree with you and it can lead to misunderstandings. Not everyone who crosses your borders does so with bad intentions. In fact, some may do so with the best of intentions.

In these cases, we should take a moment to think about the good intentions of others. Always behave as if there is nothing wrong with the intentions and actions of others.

Excessive forgiveness can be harmful

Even though you can show flexibility, boundaries must be respected. If you constantly ignore the fact that someone is crossing your boundaries, you will make the problem more difficult. That’s why you need to put things in place as soon as possible.

The good thing is that if you say things the right way, you only have to say them once. The longer you wait, the more complicated it becomes. The greater the chance that you will offend another person, even when you talk to them matter-of-factly.

Keys to confident speaking

To be able to say things with confidence, it’s not enough to just rumble out of the list of boundaries. Nor can you tell another person about that just that,  “You’re crossing my line, respect my state, thank you.” In addition to putting things in place, you also need to have the ability to speak peacefully, and know what to say.

Here are four keys to self-confidence:

• Let other people know that you have something to say, without showing an emotional reaction or blaming them in any way. If you are in the middle of a conversation or they rebuke you, ask for a short break.
• Tell them what the problem is and why. Tell them what is bothering you and explain your reason.
• Explain to them how you want them to treat you and the benefits you both get from it.
• Pursue reconciliation and understanding. If they tell you that they don’t understand or that they don’t like your attitude, you need to confirm your reason and decision.

Such communication can be an effective remedy for bad behavior. Be strict, but at the same time keep your mind open, be sincere and honest. Of course, there is always the possibility that the other person will not change their attitude, but at least you have created an opportunity for peaceful understanding.

In any case, avoiding a violent confrontation is always a good idea. If the other person is in that mood and wants to argue, don’t get involved in the game. You can’t get anywhere this way. Therefore, it is not worth continuing. Tell him calmly that it would be best if you leave the matter a second time when your mood doesn’t mess with the effort to find a consensus.