Philophobia: Fear Of Falling In Love

The characteristics of philophobia make it a very special and unique fear: fear is formed by a strong spiritual bond with someone. Some say the fear of falling in love is due to childhood abuse, parental separation and so on, but this is not always the case. There are many cases where there is no clear reason for this fear.

How can that be? What could lead a person to experience real fear of an emotion that everyone says is so fantastic? It’s about perspective. While some people find falling in love the most awesome and intense thing that has ever happened to them, some people find it awful.

There are also people who like to think this phobia says something about modern society, but the truth is that it seems to have always been present.

Some, for example, think that Elizabeth I probably had a fear of falling in love. It is said that her refusal to marry was a “consequence” of what happened to her mother Anna Boleyn. Anna, the husband of Henry VIII, executed Anna because she fell in love with another man.

While it is true that Elizabeth I had several lovers, she herself said she would rather keep love out of her life. She was sure she would never get married. He couldn’t imagine sharing his life with someone else. Philophobia eventually left its mark on his reign just as it does in the lives of the people who suffer from it in modern times.

Characteristics of philophobia

Philophobia can take many forms. No two people experience it the same way, and there is no formula for easy diagnosis. In fact, if you search for it in the DSM rating system, you will only find it in the subcategory of fear of social situations.

Experts on the subject, such as Scott Dehort, a doctor at the Delphi Behavioral Health Organization in Maryland, say philophobia is just as common in both men and women. It is not defined by any biological or genetic factors  and may only develop after a bad experience left in a romantic relationship.

It is such a bad experience that it creates the fear that the same thing will happen again that a person will suffer and become hurt. As time goes on, fear turns into a complete phobia. But as we know, part of the problem with phobia is that it can lead to other problems, such as anxiety, depression, social isolation, and drug use, among others.

Romantic philophobia

When you think about this topic, the first thing that comes to your mind is probably people trying to avoid commitment and spiritual ties at all costs. But other people manage to take that step and form a bond with someone. The problem is that a relationship can be extremely toxic.

• In the case of this last group of people, people tend to be cold, harsh, inaccessible, and in constant need of control. They also tend to be jealous and possessive. All of this clearly points to the fear and uncertainty lurking below.

• Such people tend to have low self-esteem. They don’t know how to communicate, never give up, and they’re not empathetic. People with a partner who suffer from fear of falling in love are extreme mental saboteurs. Their insecurity makes a hole in their spiritual bond. Fear of commitment and vulnerability takes them into the roller coaster of relationships.

People avoid all relationships

Then there are also people who avoid all kinds of relationships at any cost. They don’t just avoid the idea of ​​commitment, partnership, or feeling affection, passion, and admiration. Such people are really afraid of building all kinds of spiritual bonds, including building a platonic relationship.

Think about it: it’s a form of fear of social situations that almost inevitably leads to isolation, anxiety, panic attacks, and many other personality disorders.

The physical manifestation of fear is typical of such a form of philophobia. When someone tries to get closer to such a person and connects with him, he starts sweating, feeling uncomfortable and his heart rate rises.

How is the fear of falling in love treated?

If a person suffers from any of the above symptoms, treatment options can vary greatly. Depending on the intensity of the phobia, it may be enough for a person to change their lifestyle. Or maybe he just needs a very special form of treatment: exposure therapy. That means she works on her anxiety by acting out scenes with her therapist.

In more severe cases, medication may be needed. This is especially the case if a person is experiencing, among other things, social isolation, depression or anxiety.  In such cases, the person is definitely dealing with a real phobia. That means things like cognitive behavioral therapy can be a big help.

This form of therapy can help a person recognize their fears and change their beliefs, thoughts, and negative reactions to the origins of the phobia. There is a way to deal with it. It just requires commitment. Getting over the fear of love can lead to much better relationships.