Learn To Love In A Balanced And Healthy Relationship

Two strangers meet each other on a train. Their eyes meet, and the magic is immediate. But several different circumstances separate them from each other. Their families are in dispute. They work in different cities. But eventually one of them performs a heroic act, and they manage to be together again, like in a miracle trade. And they live happily ever after.

Does this sound good to you? This could be the plot of any romantic movie. But do such stories fit the realistic idea of ​​what love really is? Do they support a balanced and healthy relationship, or do they lead to a toxic and addictive relationship?

How does society affect a relationship?

First, it is important that we understand these ideals of romantic love that have been around us since childhood. While this may seem trivial, the reality is that songs, stories, and movies have taught us unrealistic stories about what a relationship should be like. Society acts as a facilitator in disseminating such stories.

As we grow, we gain an understanding of what it’s like to fall in love and what we should expect when this happens. In addition, we have an idea of ​​how to act and to whom we should feel attracted. For example, who has told us that leaner people are more attractive? This was not the “truth” about charm centuries ago.

Culture and education have an undeniable impact on the kind of relationships we have. It is therefore important to change the current criteria. It is a common belief that if we fall in love, this love will last forever and therefore we must give our best to find love. Otherwise, it would mean that we have failed.

The general belief is that a person who should be our “better half” should complement us, and no one else will be able to fulfill his role if we lose him. So we do our best to keep our partner with us. 

Instead of a balanced and healthy relationship, this creates a toxic relationship where mental addiction grows to extremes. Everyone has to completely forget about previous lifestyles, and only do things together. But is this then true love?

The key to a balanced relationship: strengthened autonomy

In a toxic relationship, the health and happiness of another person is above ourselves. Jealousy and also the neglect of friends and family is common for a couple to spend time with each other only. 

These toxic, addictive relationships only create pain in all areas of life. Therefore, it is really important that we turn these romantic beliefs about love into the most realistic thoughts.

So if we want a balanced and healthy relationship, we need to treat it well. We need to be aware that when we fall in love with someone, we do not unite with him and become just one being.  Each party to a relationship still has its own rights and needs that are not met only within the relationship.

The couple must also, of course, feel comfortable with each other, sharing real, intimate moments, building trust that will eventually form a bond of love.  The difference is that they know they don’t have to do everything together. They know that it is possible to be independent and still be in a balanced and healthy relationship.

It is therefore  necessary to set healthy boundaries and make an effort with trust and transparency, while protecting our own individuality and freedom. Every person needs to feel that they can spend time with others or alone.

In short, this consists of giving, but also knowledge of how to receive. It is about finding a balance where everyone feels a sense of happiness both individually and within a relationship. Love is also something we can learn!

Photos by Anthony Mapp, Ezra Jeffry and Jen Palmer.