Intelligent Discipline

Intelligent discipline and parenting is one that allows people to consciously adapt to healthy norms and standards while striving for personal and collective growth.

This type of discipline makes sense and differs significantly from both permissive and authoritative education. The results of permissive education are detrimental, as are the results of authoritative education. Smart education is the golden mean to strive for.

Studies show that children and young people who do not learn to adapt to discipline and upbringing later suffer from difficulties in forming a unified personality and difficulties in achieving goals in life.

Education without discipline gives way to certain negative traits : rebellion, selfishness, immaturity, irresponsibility, indifference, and criminal behavior. Excessive discipline, in turn, can lead to a person becoming submissive, fearful, and insecure.

The worst of these scenarios is one that combines both extremes and alternates between permissive and authoritative education.

This is often the case where parents want to keep tough discipline and they punish children excessively to the point that the child feels completely humiliated or subjugated. Parents often feel bad conscience after their overreaction and to make up for the evil they have done, they jump to the other extreme and let the child do anything.

Permissive education and authoritative education

Before we move on to take a closer look at intelligent discipline, it is good to have a clear idea of ​​what permissive and authoritative education really means.

The main features of tolerant education are:

• There are no clear and defined rules in the family.
• Parents want to keep children and young people happy.
• Parents come up with excuses for children’s mistakes and failures.
• They try to please all the desires and hopes of the child.
• Parents demand very little from their children, they do not seek to demand anything complicated or challenging from the child.
• They do not punish children at all or negotiate an appropriate punishment with children.
• They let the child make decisions according to their own criteria.
• They do not maintain schedules, rules, orders or the achievement of goals.

• They give children too much freedom : the child should learn independently and learn from his or her own mistakes.

The main features of authoritative education, in turn, are:

• There are rules for almost everything.  The rules are not explained to children and may not have logic.
• Parents severely punish the child for any violation of the rules, regardless of the seriousness of the situation. The punishment is equally severe for every offense.
• Parents want to have full control over the element of children.
• The punishments imposed by parents are harsh and usually involve physical or psychological aggression.
• Parents emphasize the need for order to the extremes.
• They do not give the child stimuli, nor do they value the children’s achievements.
• They do not take the child’s opinion into account and they do not think the child has any say.

All-permissive upbringing is the culmination of parental indifference or lack of self-confidence. Authoritative upbringing is often based on parents ’own traumas or anxiety and fear.

This is how you strive towards intelligent discipline

Intelligent discipline is a discipline that teaches a child values ​​and norms, helps them identify the boundaries of society, and teaches children which perceptions and goals are impossible.

People develop many fantasies during their lives, and much of them are related to their desires. Inside everyone hides a narcissist who wants to be the center of everything. There is also an egoist within us who wants everything for himself. In addition to these, our personality includes a small dictator who wants to achieve everything he wants regardless of whether he steps on the toes of others in doing so.

Discipline brings to life a series of small frustrations.  And when a child learns to understand these boundaries, he realizes that he cannot get everything he wants if he wants to live in harmony with others, empathetically and intelligently.

This in turn allows us to develop strategies as we adapt to the world. The child must be able to be sensible and tolerate frustration. Discipline helps us keep our feet on the ground.

When parental discipline is clear and consistent, as are the rules they set, the child is able to form a close and even foundation for his or her reality. This transforms over time into self-confidence and appreciation from others.

Through discipline, we can come up with goals for ourselves and ways to achieve them. In this way, we are able to achieve our will and deal with disappointments and problems constructively.

Follow these guidelines to perform smart discipline in your home:

• Set boundaries instead of rules.
• Explain clearly to the child how the rules are followed and why the rules exist. Give your child options to follow the rules.
• Involve your child in decision making as you consider new rules. Let the child know that their opinion matters, but that the highest decision-making power lies with the adults.
• Be aware of the values ​​you want to teach your child.
• Encourage your child to exercise self-control.
• Explain clearly to the child why certain types of behavior make adults and other people angry.
• Identify the child’s good behavior and accomplishments.
• Make sure both parents are on the same line when it comes to upbringing and discipline. Don’t send confusing messages to a child.
• React as soon as bad behavior occurs, don’t leave punishment and talk about it later.

• Make it clear which punishment follows from where and always follow predefined punishments.

Intelligent discipline nurtures people who are free and aware.  People who are able to bring out their best and who respect others.