How Routine Affects A Couple
How many times have you heard a strong marriage came to an end because they “just stopped loving each other”? Can that feeling actually stop feeling, or aren’t we just doing enough to sustain it? Could it be that we ignore loving too often and don’t understand what our biggest challenges are?
There is no doubt that routine and monotony are two big reasons that lead couples to argue, distance themselves and differ. However, we can also take advantage of both and improve our bond with the person we love and with whom we have established a certain level of comfort.
Imagine you are a murder detective. That dead man is called “Love” and the main suspect in the crime is “Routine”. You start looking for evidence and realize that Love trusted Routine too much until Routine finally stabbed him in the back.
Doing things the same way every single day is something that happens repeatedly in our lives and in an expanded sense also in the life we share with our spouse. Such can eventually lead to divorce, which is not a “death of love” but rather a disorder of routine.
The worst enemy of love is, without a doubt, monotony, also known as boredom. Always doing the same things, visiting the same places (or not going anywhere), talking about the same things, watching the same movies, going to the same holiday destination year after year and the following year and the following year, etc.…
The routine can act as a catalyst for other problems, such as infidelity. By this we do not mean to justify the actions of anyone who betrays their spouse, but rather to show one of the reasons that lead to such behavior.
Think for a moment, what do we do when we’re bored? We are looking for something to entertain us. Well, something similar happens in love and routine. If we give and receive the same every time and this starts to bore us, then it’s easier to want to find joy and fun somewhere else.
The couple will have to endure many storms over the years. Monotony is one of the most powerful of these storms, but unlike other problems, it starts to manifest from a small to a small one and before we realize what has happened to us we are in the same mess as a gullible frog. Click here to learn the story of the frog (in English).
But on the other hand, did you know that routine also has a “positive side”? Of course it is, because we need to look at our glass half full and not half empty. Monotony in marriage has always been perceived as somehow negative, but this doesn’t have to be true all the time if at all.
What are the benefits of a routine?
Safety
The feeling that we are taken care of and we are protected when we do the same things can be a good thing. Especially considering that elsewhere, fear, on the other hand, makes us act differently under pressure. Many young couples are afraid of an everyday kitchen eating routine, or a grocery shopping visit every Saturday morning. In reality, no one actually needs to suffer from these, but rather learn to find their happiness from a sense of security.
Information
If a couple always does different things, then when do they sit down and think about what they really like? Every single thing we routinely do proves to the person who is by our side and knowing what that other person is thinking and feeling is a good thing.
And the downsides of the routine?
Monotony is bad when we get caught up in what we do or in the daily hurricane we have to do, and we forget the person who sleeps next to us every night.
For example, if the same person makes dinner every day after returning home from work, this may mean that the couple does not ask each other how their days went, or if the same person always goes to pick up the children from school and then sits in front of the TV or computer when they return home. These are the formulas that begin to damage the relationship, little by little, like raindrops that slowly fall evenly onto a rock.
These activities or habits are not problems if they only happen a few times a week, but rather when they become things that we do the same thing every day of the week, for months and months (or even years).
In conclusion to all this, it is important to change the routine and think about what kind of routine is what we really want in our lives. Some degree of routine when helping us build a good and strong relationship; but if it goes too far, then it can destroy and “kill love.” So your job is to find a balance somewhere in the middle ground.
