Don’t Try To Control Something You Can’t Control

Being able to control something means that things can be changed through thoughts, feelings, and actions. It means that you have power over certain things and that you can change the direction of your thoughts and feelings whenever you want.

Each of us would certainly want to control the world around us, but the truth is that there are only a few things we can really control. On a theoretical level, this is no news and we are more or less aware of this, but on a psychic level, we tend to forget this fact, which in turn makes us feel sad and disappointed.

In general,  we know how to deal with uncertainty and frustration quite poorly in situations where our expectations are not being met as we would like. When that happens, it feels pretty uncomfortable, just like when we don’t know how something is going to happen in a particular situation.

What can I control?

In the external world? You’re absolutely nothing. However, you can control yourself very easily. We can feel free and satisfied if we keep this in mind and believe in it fully. There are endless problems, stressful situations, or unfortunate things that can happen, and it’s perfectly normal to become sensitive when that happens. The emotions that surface on the verge of threat or loss are perfectly normal. They help us better manage the problem.

At the point where the emotions  inside  become too intense, prolonged, or repetitive, it tells them that their “internal software” is somehow corrupted. That, in turn, is probably because you’re trying to control items that are actually completely impossible to control. You’re probably convincing yourself that things have to be in a different way, just the way you want them to be. This kind of thinking will ultimately only make you feel disappointed, because things won’t be otherwise just because you want them to change.

As we said before, you can control and try to bring about changes in the way you see the world for yourself, because no one else has access to your thoughts. However, it is completely absurd to try to change the outside world around you.

When you internalize the idea that you don’t actually have the power to control anything but yourself, you become mentally more flexible and stronger. This way, you will be able to enjoy everything that you really have to make changes in your own hands.

Learn to tolerate uncertainty and frustration

In order to be mentally healthier, you need to learn to tolerate uncertainty and frustration. Uncertainty arises when we are not sure what will happen next. Some people react to this feeling with  anxiety because they are immensely stressed about “preparing” for what ever happens, because at worst it can be something really scary or dangerous.

With this mindset, they develop for themselves a way to be constantly worried about everything. The fact is, however, that  no matter how much you worry about something and worry about it, it doesn’t stop it from happening if it is supposed to happen anyway.

Even if I was hugely concerned that I had an exceptionally severe headache, that wouldn’t stop me from getting sore. Quite another thing is if I am finally diagnosed with a disease. In that case, I am personally responsible for myself and my well-being, which is completely logical and sensible.

We feel frustrated when our expectations don’t come true. I expect  life, other people, and myself to behave according to the norms I created myself, and if that doesn’t happen, I tend to get angry, depressed, or anxious. Whatever happened, however, life goes on and the world revolves around the former pattern, but I have managed to create an unpleasant feeling of anger for myself in vain. Now I have two problems instead of just one. Is it really worth it?

How to reduce the need to constantly try to manage things?

Here are some tips that may help you reduce your attempts to constantly control all things and gradually learn to tolerate feelings of insecurity:

• Accept and Learn to tolerate the fact that nothing is ever completely certain. There is only one thing in this world that we can be sure of: we will all one day die. That’s all. You can never be absolutely sure that your partner will love you to the top of the world and never leave you. Nor can you be absolutely sure that you can live a healthy life for the rest of your life without major illnesses. It is also not possible to be sure whether you will succeed in working life the way you want.
• Even if you make a huge effort on something, you may not succeed anyway. Of course, if you do something carefully from start to finish, you are likely to achieve better results. However, things do not always happen as expected, because the  world  is quite often an unfair place. That’s why it’s better to forget the results and just focus on enjoying what you’re doing right now and not caring so much about what’s going to happen in the future.

• Forget the stern norms and expectations you have developed in your head for yourself, others, and the world. Just about nothing is ever going to go to the crap the way you had planned it to go. Being angry, depressed, or anxious about things when you don’t have the power to do anything about it is a complete waste of energy and a waste of time.
• Take responsibility for yourself. The good news here is that you have the power to control yourself and that you can start it right away. Reality can be viewed from many different angles. Try to be more flexible and care a little less about unnecessary details. However, be sure to do this without becoming completely apathetic, as it is also one way to give power to fear.