Difficult Relationships: How To Reinterpret Your Story

Who among us would never have gotten into a tense relationship? Family, work, and even relationships can form difficult relationships at any time. We may think that these people have entered our lives as obstacles, but we can also go a little further and perhaps see them as challenges.

Don’t fool yourself: life is one challenge. As humans, we transcend various stages, cycles, and relationships. When we form relationships together with other experiences, personalities, characters, current circumstances, and dreams for the future, we can talk about an almost psychochemical experiment, quite ambitious and very hopeful, but which doesn’t always have to go well.

Spark and burning

Usually when we create new relationships, be it romantic, platonic, work or family, we all want to feel the sparks that make us feel alive, loved, admired and respected. But the truth is that in many cases, these sparks turn into pure combustion, which no longer feels pleasant.

Sometimes our relationships become difficult and it seems like we can’t do much to fix the situation. Tensions tend to pave the way for defiant attitudes and sometimes even verbal showdowns. This is why many of us prefer to avoid these people to prevent conflict, but that is not always possible.

Another way to deal with difficult relationships

If we look at the world of literature or films, we can see that each protagonist has his or her own dynamic character who is sensitive to the evolution of the plot. Conflicting situations arise – usually by another character, who in many cases is the protagonist’s opponent or enemy, or antagonist. These antagonists challenge the protagonist’s perspective by placing him or her in situations that encourage the protagonist to utilize and improve his or her resources and skills.

Life is not very different. If we jump into the boots of the protagonist of our lives and are able to find those people who play the role of antagonists in our lives and understand what the challenges they pose, we can overcome those challenges to overcome tensions and grow as human beings. 

Victims or heroes of difficult relationships?

Difficult human relationships usually offer us two options: we can complain about the situation and feel like victims of our antagonists, or we can look for a way out of a solution that empowers us to do so. It is not a confrontation, but rather an internal work that helps to eliminate the variables or factors that have led us to that situation.

Uncertainty is not a good companion in difficult relationships. Self-esteem and self-belief are the only and right way to start the path of a hero. Sometimes a simple expression like “ if you still talk to me that way, I will disappear ” reflects a strong and courageous attitude. Antagonists have power over us precisely because they know how to hit exactly where we hurt the most.

Understanding and improving our reactions

A very important part of our own psychological development is to understand, heal, and change the reactions of our emotional wounds. Many therapists believe that we attract people around us who have the best and worst aspects of our parents. 

There is a reason why this is happening. It is an unconscious reaction (even to ourselves) to a secret need to solve problems that for one reason or another could not be solved with our parents. In many cases, this problem can be, for example, gaining the admiration and respect of a critical and harsh father.

If we find that our difficult human relationships repeat the pattern of authoritarian characters, it is possible that antagonists in our lives will present the role of the dominant father that we were never able to please. 

This game of antagonists is a resource that has been used very successfully in personal development therapies. It is a personal exercise in which roles are found for one’s own character and antagonist. The difference from the literature, however, is that the antagonists of our lives are not demonic or evil beings in nature. They are usually similar people to us, with their own fears, hopes, feelings, and acquired behaviors.

Difficult relationships: patience teachers

If we choose to embark on the path of a hero in difficult relationships, we will begin to see our antagonists as true teachers of patience, courage, compassion, and adaptability.

In reality, we can use these as opportunities to strengthen and improve our character and emotional control. If we work on these aspects, it is also possible for us to develop and improve those dormant areas that are our forgotten or ignored resources. 

Powerful issues

Coaching addresses many powerful issues. When we face difficult relationships, we can ask ourselves certain questions from that perspective. These are questions that help us reveal the state of our own judgment.

To play this writing of the book of our own lives, we need to analyze the characters in it. So ask yourself who your current antagonists are and what makes them such challenging people for you.

If you were to write the story yourself, next ask why you chose that particular character. Normally, antagonists are created to develop the story of the protagonist of the story.

Another question that will help you deal with difficult relationships is what skills or virtues could help you in this challenge. Coaching deals with a long list of virtues of self-confidence, perseverance, courage, compassion, patience, and self-knowledge.

If you’re willing to write your own story, you can start by, for example, sitting down and rewriting your own script. Observe the different situations in your life and your difficult relationships from a higher ball, always from the screenwriter’s perspective, as this will give you a better perspective than the role of an actor in the middle of all those spotlights.