Destructive Criticism: No One Wins

From time to time, criticism and criticism can be constructive and helpful. But most of the time, however, criticism has no constructive purpose and is even harmful. For some reason, there are always people who direct their negativity and uncertainty to others by criticizing and criticizing them. They are people who always try to point out the “faults and shortcomings of others.”

We have all been victims of such people at some point in our lives. And sometimes we’ve even been those people ourselves. In fact, criticizing others has become so commonplace that it is at the center of many television and radio programs. It has become a common topic of joke or plot. And really a lot of people follow programs like that. But why? Why do we criticize in this way?

Understanding the mechanism of this critique can help us gain awareness of how this pattern of behavior works properly. That’s why we’ve added to this article some basic reasons why people rightly criticize and criticize others.

1. Feeling of inferiority

A sense of inferiority may motivate people to criticize others. Other times, the feeling of superiority is a motivating factor. Often, behaving in a superior way is just a way to disguise a sense of inferiority. In this case, people are trying to make themselves feel safer.

That is, they seek to satisfy their need for intensity and superiority by criticizing others or watching TV programs that focus on the mistakes of others and criticizing them.

2. Dissatisfaction with yourself

Sometimes we criticize others because they reflect our own shortcomings. When we criticize others, we make fun of ourselves to think that the problem is in other people and not in ourselves. We criticize when we want to convince ourselves that others also have flaws and those flaws are worse than our own.

That is, when we criticize the same subject over and over again, we are only reflecting on what we don’t like in ourselves. We reflect our own fears and uncertainties. In fact, we don’t accept our own flaws, but instead try to look for those flaws in others. We bring about rejection and activation of criticism. This phenomenon is called “self-denial.”

Jealous and jealous people are the biggest producers of criticism. When they feel inferior, they use criticism as a defense. They degrade another person’s value and magnify his or her flaws, whether they are imaginary or real.

Such people do not tend to engage in self-criticism, but their energy is directed at bullying others. They turn to look away from themselves because they are afraid of what they might find in themselves.

3. The need to be part of a group

Sometimes social relationships are people’s reason to criticize others. Studies show that in order to be part of a particular group, we need to criticize people belonging to another group. In this case, criticism acts as a reinforcement of the sense of belonging, and it can convince others that we belong to their group.

In cases like this, criticism is conveyed according to the group’s attitude toward criticism. If criticism is encouraged in the group, it will happen more often and with greater intensity. On the other hand, if the members of the group make it clear that criticism is a reprehensible thing, the person who wants to join the group will direct themselves towards other types of behavior.

And lastly, when we imagine we are experts in certain matters, we may begin to  criticize others to show how much we know, as well as to strengthen our position as experts. This shows a lack of self-esteem as well as a desire to control others.

4. Revenge and cowardice

Criticism can also be based on revenge. There may be situations that have remained unresolved or did not result in an apology. In such cases, we can turn to criticism as a means of humiliating and punishing the other party. When we are not brave enough to talk face-to-face with the person who hurt us, we turn to criticism to alleviate our frustration, anger, and pain.

Criticism in the form of revenge has closely to do with the use of manipulation in the form of revenge. Sometimes we criticize another person for trying to separate him or her from his or her friends and make him or her feel lonely.

5. Narcissism and self-centeredness

When we feel like we deserve some kind of special treatment but don’t get it, we may start to feel like others owe us. Sometimes because of a narcissistic feeling, we feel that others should be more helpful to us. When we feel this way, we may use criticism to complain, belittle, and make another person feel bad.

Attitude to criticism

Criticism is inevitable, it appears in everyone’s life in some form. According to the explanation of the Argentine author and psychologist Bernardo Stamateas, “the law of three-thirds must be applied.” One third is made up of people who love us, one third is made up of people who hate us, and one third is made up of people who don’t know us, but nonetheless they have some opinion about us.

However, we must not underestimate the negative and destructive power that this critique of the last third has. Winston Churchill once compared the pain caused by criticism to physical pain. On top of all that, recent research shows that  rejection, criticism, and humiliation are all things that are dealt with in the same part of the brain as physical pain. 

The better the distance

In order to live in the midst of an epidemic of such toxic and destructive criticism, there is one guideline we must follow:  move far from the proximity of such people, or learn to protect yourself from them. Such negative people dedicate their lives to poisoning others.

It makes the most sense to maintain your distance from others, especially if others are trying to make you their accomplices in their criticism. Don’t forget that interacting with people like this can damage your mental and social health.

In short, the key to everything is that we do not allow ourselves to be tainted by the negativity of others, and we must not take things personally when we are the object of criticism. Remember that criticism says more about the person giving  it than about the person being criticized. So that’s their problem, not ours.