Mental Withdrawal: Post-separation Pain

After the separation, mental detoxification takes place. Ending such a relationship is not easy. And the psychological suffering associated with it is really devastating to our brains.

In fact, the process is very similar to the detoxification experienced by addicts. It’s a kind of neurochemical chaos that isn’t easy to get out of.

Almost everyone experiences at some point how it feels. For teenagers, it survives with its first divorce, pain caused by distance, or disappointment caused by rejection.

Adults, too, find life suddenly feels pointless when it hits the right place, when love matures, when someone deceives. Or even when we become aware that we have to end a relationship that has no future or is far too painful.

Letting go hurts when we still love another. We need to get used to his absence, accept that it is over, and rebuild our lives without that person.

It’s something most of us aren’t prepared for. But we do it. And doing it gives us inner strength.

However, the real problem arises when, instead of turning a new page, we fall into a spiral of obsession, a vicious vicious circle. The need for connection, begging for attention, long-lasting crying: impossible love.

You may find that this is a kind of addiction. And for such a person, mental detoxification puts him in a state of complete vulnerability and extreme suffering.

Mental detoxification or impossibility to say goodbye

Carlos is 30 years old and it’s been 7 months since his girlfriend left him. He met Paula in high school when they were 16 years old. They went to college together and along the way they started a small business together.

The last few years have been difficult with debt, with a failed attempt and the depression Paula experienced because the project was delayed. All of this affected their relationship.

Although Carlos wanted to move forward, the woman left him. He explained to Carlos clearly and sincerely why there is no second chance for them. That’s when the relationship ended.

But despite the explanations, Carlos is still trying to contact him. Every day, she looks at a woman’s social media and thinks of ways to run into her “by chance”.

Carlos is obsessed with continuing their relationship because he can no longer work or do anything else. His psychic detoxification is so intense that it has turned him into a shadow. He has become addicted to tenderness, trapped in a spiral of anxiety and depression.

Let us now take a closer look at the characteristics of such a person.

5 characteristics of mental detoxification

First, we should clarify that often when  we end a relationship, we can all feel mental detoxification. But this is just one part of the pain.

It’s a chapter in life that should encourage us to adopt smart, helpful confrontational strategies. We need to leverage the resources that pave our way and overcome the difference as adults.

• But this psychological state of stagnation and constant suffering is common in people with low self-esteem. It is also common in people who are highly dependent on their partner. 
• Another characteristic of mental detoxification is that a person cannot be assured that the relationship is over. He clearly denies this.
• Anxious and obsessive-compulsive behavior is also a sign. They are unable to maintain a “zero connection”. They always find an excuse to call or come across.
• Addicted people are also unable to deal with emotional pain. They do not have the tools to handle it. They feel paralyzed and respond to suffering by looking for other opportunities.
• And we can’t forget all those complex, intense, and exhausting symptoms that clearly affect this person’s health. There is insomnia, loss of appetite, concentration problems, lack of interest in living, depression…

How do we deal with mental detoxification?

Carlos, the man who broke his heart in our example, manifests all the psychological and behavioral signs of mental detoxification. In his case, the help of a professional and the right kind of psychological treatment are especially needed.

No one deserves to live in such a defenseless state. No one should stop loving himself so that he gets stuck in existential insignificance and a destructive state of mental suffering.

Also, whether we are in a situation like Carlos, or just in the middle of a divorce process, it is good to consider these strategies. They are important things we should always keep in mind.

• Mental detoxification is perfectly normal within a certain intensity and duration. But we have to assume it will pass. It is a space that should go by to make room for a more balanced and stable state of being.

• We have to accept our negative feelings. This applies to all of them: sadness, grief, pain, etc. They are all emotions that should go away sooner or later and create room for acceptance and victory.
• “Zero” communication is vital in these cases. We cannot retain our former partner in our social media network or contacts. It’s the first step to breaking away from his life. This prevents us from getting stuck in the wrong dynamics.
• Making changes in our lives is rewarding. Sometimes something as simple as making new friends or starting new hobbies can be a big help. This allows us to “liberate our minds” and break the spiral of our obsessions.

As we move through this process, let us not forget some important aspects. Don’t forget your self-esteem, dignity, values, and goals. We must never consider the difference the end of the world.

Instead, we should see it as the end of one chapter and a necessary beginning for someone who is sure to bring us good things. A new, stronger and even more beautiful version of ourselves.